Shoved But Pushing Life…

… mindfully, through all the pain and darkness that life sends your way, pursuing happiness and freedom in truth, a father shares :

An acquaintance from IIT (my alma mater) insultingly reminds me that I am Bipolar when I ask for my money back ! I was scooping up the loans I had given to others in good faith, in their times of need, as I wanted to help my sister who had suffered several strokes and was in a state of dire need. But this isn’t about ingratitude, a common enough human trait, I must say. It just served as a trigger for me to set some things straight.

Yes, as per the doc who could not understand why my brain was burning for years, I have the bio polar affliction.

[ At that time, the MRI showed inflammation at the top of the brain, near the pituitary and pineal glands, with the Stelle depressed and a cartilidge structure over that area. It was discovered that the lateral arterial connection to posterior of brain was from brachial branch, and not from cartoid branch normal in most people. ]

Yet, the team of doctors were confused. I had two heart attacks, out of body experiences, false sights and sounds, and even a deja vu experience. For months I was having a ‘burning brain’ condition and docs in Stanford were going crazy diagnosing the mess heaped there. So they concluded I was Bio Polar, which is a wide and accomodative enough spectrum I believe !

Somethings about bio polar affliction and people with BP … They are usually very creative, it is said. It is considered to be an Organic Disease (something to do with DNA, Physiology and Brain Matter). Sometimes they are also diagnosed with Schiziophrenia – or Schizoid, which I was. Sometimes, such people are hyperactive and keep themselves at work for long hours; and sometimes, they are very supressed (depressed word may be true but not always) and sleep for hours, which could be a sign for depression.

Through all this, at first, I did not know anything about Kundalini Awakening nor sought it. But I had heard of the Thousand Shank Sounds. I was into a few yogic practices, primarily breathing and breath control. My nervous plexus would often vibrate violently and, at times, would be strong enough to rock the chair I was sitting on, or the bed, and even a colleague I was then with ! Occasionally, the pillow on my chest would vibrate severely enough to attract notice; once my wife even observed a loose T-Shirt I wore vibrate over heart area ! !

Those days, we thought I was having Tachycardia. It was dangerous thing to have : KA can take one’s life, as it nearly did mine. But life went on, as did my practice. Several times, I would have out of the body experiences. Over time, I lost my anger and learnt the hard way to live in the moment and was always able to choose to be happy. It took a long time… lifetime, I might prefer to use… but for the last two years, in the moment I have been. And happy, I ever am.

* * *

I am writing here for a full disclosure, so that people know the truth, as it was and now is. I have a feeling that I would be bitched behind, which of course would be normal by what life reveals.

I had trained myself to sometimes not sleep for weeks (6, in India) and work long durations in oder to help my son who had 40% brain loss from 3 places with 98% chance of Transition, 2% chance of going Comatose and 0% chance of any movement outside bed or of continuing with his studies. Three psychiatrists from Stanford, Santa Clara Hospital, Almeda County and California State had ruled that, for my then disabled son.

Today, I am happy that my son goes to SJSU where he competed and got into C.Sc. and later transferred to Teaching. He uses one hand to type. More importantly, he led himself through severe barriers and challenges that were his alone, especially on account of his intense dislike of aggression, competitiveness and pronounced egotism normal among his college colleagues.

I had practiced Yoga and become a Yoga Teacher to help my son. I wish him love and sanity, with some humility and honesty, for him to steer himself through his life in this world.


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