From The Father Of A Prospective Groom …

My son is of marriagable age. His hormones must be kicking hyper. There’s little of the tamasic in his nature; there is rajas but sattva predominates. He’s refused to entertain the idea of marriage now, saying that perhaps he never will.

So one evening I sat down ruminating over what I would say to a prospective bride, or rather to her father, in pitching for the reluctant young man in my house. Here’s what I may …

*   *   *

Hello,

I would like to introduce our family to you, the father of the girl, to her, and to her lovely mother who has so excellently brought her up.

I am the father but I do not speak on behalf of my son, who I wish would marry…  because my son feels he is not ready yet and, at times, opines that he would not to marry at all.

I see his reticence as normal. His coolness towards the idea of bringing a fifth member into the family, in his own words, is because he ” would not like to risk the happiness of the family,” as we are blessed with.

We are a modest but immensely happy family of 4 people : me, wife, the elder son [25] and younger one[22]. It is the elder son I speak of, whom I would like to see as married, to raise a family with values we all very consciously subscribe to.

The mother in the family is religious and takes to traditional ways but the rest of us are liberal, emancipated humanists who believe in God, in spiritual evolultion, and more in purity of intent and character than in religious rites, rituals, worship or pilgrimage.

My son is into software and is currently abroad. He would back in Feb ’13 for a month.

He was born on 18th of June, 1987, in Calcutta where I had my work.

We – the three here – are currently residing in a leased, spacious 3BHK flat in Crossings Republic, Ghaziabad. The younger son will appear in CA Finals in a couple of years.

As a family, we are of Shandilya gotra. Our forefathers migrated, I believe, about 15 generations back from the Hiamlayan foothills in Uttaranchal and settled on a huge tract of land by the Ganges in the plains close to Buxar in Bhojpur district.

Our native village is known after our surname, as Tewaripur, where we have our inherited house, or what remains of it, and a small piece of land. I maintain no interest in the ancestral property however nor any substantial relationship with my relatives by blood.

I myself am at an age when I have signed off all professional work after a long stint in the corporate world, perhaps ten years earlier than my contemporaries would. I have pursued a lifelong interest in our spiritual heritage instead and actually believe that we are all gods, capable of highest character and capacities. So have my sons been taught. I personally regard my family life as being played out in heaven, veritably among gods and a goddess !

Which is why my son does not wish to bring in a fifth member into the family … so as not to disturb its joy, our life in empathy, and the transparent regard we each have for others.

But we are in the process of acquiring land in rural paradise down South, in the midst of hilly greens… and are on way to building a home for this “values lineage” in a couple of years …  which will be a rather large three storied monument for the family size at present. We hope the numbers to increase in years to come, when the new abode will fill with our sons’ families, and their children… at least when they visit from to time before retiring from their respectiveprofessions in due course.

Would your daughter be interested and consent to the honours, Sir, of being the fifth member of our family ?

Please ask her to read this mail and obtain a picture of the family, as I have tried to truthfully present.

   For the rest, I may state that :

– Though liberals, we very proud of our sanatan heritage,

   very accomodating but uncompromising in family values,

   and have set a standard of moral probity and ethical conduct for ourselves;

– No dowry, not even if the giving makes you happy;

– Civil marriage, duly registered in law, followed by very modest celebration;

– Absolute committment to an evolved life of empathy, compassion,

   reason and renunciation, freedom and happiness.

Kindly let me know if you find transparently happy reasons for us to take our discussions forward.

With best wishes and regards …

Vamadevananda –

*   *   *

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sharmishtha Basu
    Oct 21, 2012 @ 10:55:43

    these days finding a good daughter/son in law is really tough!
    as they say in english – “They dont make them like that any more.”
    I have been born and brought up in a kind of joint family, I have seen my sister in laws, and how they were and how the newer ones are….
    hope you will find a good girl who will become your daughter after marrying your son.

    Reply

    • vam
      Oct 21, 2012 @ 11:32:19

      Tomaar mukhey mishti doie. I trust I will, because that’s how I am. Ah … she will be the daughter I never had !

      Reply

      • Sharmishtha Basu
        Oct 21, 2012 @ 11:35:10

        my prayers will be with you. 🙂
        are you bengali?
        a lot of in-laws are eager to do that, accept their daughter in laws as daughters sometimes they get the girl they deserve and make a happy family. 🙂

        Reply

        • vam
          Oct 21, 2012 @ 11:51:43

          No, I was not born a bengali. Does that make me any the less bengali, I wonder.

          You know, the accepting is a good start. But it is the living that test all of us. That where our family members, I believe, stand out. We all live by ourselves, and feel so much for each other at the same time.

          It is accepting our imperfections that counts. Equally, we should have perfected ourselves in other ways !

          Can you suggest someone who you know and has read the blog post ? Be a friend …

          Reply

          • Sharmishtha Basu
            Oct 22, 2012 @ 19:03:45

            i wish i knew someone! these days most people are not interested in adjusting, and thats where the problems start.

            hundred years ago girls adjusted to joint famillies quite happily, seventy years ago they adjusted with nuclear family now they are incapable of adjusting with their husbands!!!!

            my real life acquaintances are almost none because i am not involved in a career, studies are past. all my friends are on internet so…..

            go slow. your son is only 25 years old so you can easily wait for 1-5 more years before panicking.

            all the best again!

            Reply

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