Journal : Feb 15, 2012 : My Personal Odyssey

Vow In Fetters.

 

This spiritual saga over years score

Shimmers alive at a temple door…

 

Today, I hold myself erect

Halt at the temple entrance

And skip the practice ancient

 
I demand my own light

Submission I refuse

And all forms I deny

 

Here and now, O’ Deity !

At your hallowed shrine.

 

 

Great you are, one Being in all

Master Grand, cause primordial

Screened in, alas ! behind forms

 

Ritual dos and donts, its masters

On faith ‘thout love yet fast, uh

Fill the cloisters with smiles sad

Not for me the motions, O’ Deity !

Façade imposing, flags and piety.

 

*  *  *

 

Now I take upon myself

This burden of life

To costs I agree

And embrace the choice

It’s me, I know…

So small and weak

But the sole thing too

That’s known to me

 

Where I will stay

And discover it all

Shrink the Space to me

On Time arch over

 

I vow to break into, O’Deity !

The light revealing

In the depths of peace.

 

*  *  *

 

Sure, the barred vastness daunts

Upon all souls I know hangs its pall

Gray cover immense of unknown, dark

 

I trundle long in its black tunnels

Flay to grasp a speck of any heaven

Flung off hard but bounce sharp

And crash back in with vengeance


It shocks and tries, and draws to test

The mind taut, deny or now consent

All in eyes rapid, terms and forms

Series of march the voluting prompts

Feel, thought, cravings, despised rot

Desire, habits of flesh, in lack caught

And the day abrim with worth nought

Transitioning nights set in vague dawns

On my core empty, bleak and desperate

To hear the calling, vigil to know, wait


For rise when I’d seize my essence !

Here, body diseased no longer defends

Dark acrank, it generates insufficient

Stuck dead in moral marshlands

Being inter galactic, blackened…

Swishing with relativity’s limiting speed

Into the cloudy bands where minds bleed

The spirit stiff, struck within

By revelations ill – fulfilling


Stubbing the senses they much overbrim

With truths coloured, unblessed an’ thin

Even the running tap unnerves me

My intellect dumped, unsounding

Hung – o – hung lifeless, hibernating

For the start sudden and conquering …

Many a false launch I did see

Stirred up loin, puffed up vitality

Just the ego coiled up, its proud thrusts

Thoughts mingled, feelings on the lurch

Peaking in throbs at my temples

Mind wrecked, acts corrupting

Wracked breathless, drained coughing

Licentious prisoner, ambitious victim…

*  *  *


I still hold on to witness, safe

On blank path my trusts pave

In late mornings clear, winter delights

With sun warm mellow, lazy cats alive

On unsure bed and spent on view

Conscious very of discordant cues

Chasing vivid the shapely behind

Gaze the body, senses, fixed mind

Starts of lust, sweet tinge remind…



” Possess not, O Youth sensuous !”

But the sage call is far, too rough.


I hear the world strange

See all its stranger ways

Mirage like, covered ugliness

Roles to and fro at give n take

‘Tis a blind alley but I still wait

For the burst of shine on cold dunes

Gladness, flowers and folk tunes …

But surroundings seem so unfamiliar

Paths I take are not mine, it is clear

The dilemma though is not my first

Through obstacles, strident divorce.

*  *  *

 

I keep upright with what I know

Doubting each moment in flow

It’s me, too, being the witness 

This rocky view, its barrenness

Slips, collisions, slides and  wreckage

Stares close up to mind, incessant

Hold me, to wipe the damned tears

Pat my fears to sleep, dress the sears

 

Know not how long was my odyssey

Pains, the wade, wait for being free

But I’m glad, my sense did transcend

When I stood upon the walling fence

Eyeing the world beyond, boundless

Yet hauling in remnants of myself…

 

Unfettered, I tipped into freedom next

Sans mind and body, nothing to celebrate

No Space, Time, just smiling sun – self

No hope, no gain or loss, no being made

That light was now this I, freedom clear

My buddy from start, then witness dear

There was no being – for – itself ever

One I thought and lived was a prayer

 

By whom I know not, O’ Deity !

To whom or why is the mystery.

*  *  *       *  *  *

 

This is a very intimate poem about my spiritual journey,

starting in late eighties and finishing by the century – end.

I present it now, after a dozen years of incubation !

 

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